Morbid thoughts, and more!

So I have a friend who is having a little trouble being good. He got out of jail a little over a year ago and still has a PO he checks in with weekly for about 7 more months. He met a wonderful woman, a few years older than him, but completely terrific and a well-made match. They both enjoy their church together, and support each other very well. But they have hit some rough patches over the past 2-3 months. He isn't sure he is being himself. He feels he needs to find himself, instead of staying tightly-wrapped in a little mold that will prevent him from being himself. Basically, I think he is being suffocated by the strictness of his parole and his choice of religion. And this upsets his girlfriend, Courtney. So whenever we hang out, she looks for the opportune moments to talk to me solo about how touchy things are. What to do? Then for about a month, they broke up and I had bad thoughts. I actually thought about her in "that" way. I hadn't before. And I shouldn't. Out of respect for Erron, if nothing else. He needs to see that he can find himself without leaving everything behind. Courtney is a dream...loves the outdoors, owns a Jeep, loves dogs, cooks and bakes QUITE well, OH, and she is a stunning beauty. And Irish. She should have a twin sister for me to date.

But things are OK with them now, I think. Well, maybe not. They got back together and immediately planned a wedding date. Seems odd. We all went out this weekend into the mountains and things seemed really good, but I was not sure he was holding himself back. See? He tells me that's what he thinks is going on, and I look for it. I see it everywhere if I try. I need to shrug that off.

But the rest of my world is spinning correctly on its axis, and for that I am thankful. I need to do a lot of cleaning and do something to confront my anxiety about Beth coming back to CO to finish school. It's only for a couple months, unless she decides to stay local after graduation. And that bugs me. I like who I am without her around! I have more money, less guilt. Less stress. I feel so compelled sometimes...so compelled to impress her or something. It bites. Like I have to struggle to keep up my best behavior so she stays friends with me. Like I need her? I wish I did, simply so I felt less freaked out now. That makes sense, right?

So there's a "new" band with a song I adore. I get goosebumps when I listen. But the rest of the CD is mediocre at best. Finger Eleven ..."One Thing".

"Restless tonight
cuz I wasted the light.
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line.

It's nothing I planned
and not that I can
But you should be mine
across that line.

If I traded it all,
if I gave it all away,
for one thing,
just for one thing;
If I sorted it out
if I knew all about
this one thing,
wouldn't that be something?

I promise I might
not walk on by.
Maybe next time,
but not this time.

Even though I know,
I don't wanna know.
Yeah, I guess I know.
I just hate how it sounds."

Not sure what all it means. But I know some of it. And I feel all weird when I hear it. Can't help but sing.

That's all for now. Talk to you all soon. Drop me a line or leave a comments. Something so I know someone else is out there.

-Rich