Mielle
You out there, kiddo?
Lemme 'splain. I used to have a friend in college. We stayed friends for a little while afterwards, too. But I do like I always do and run away. Seems I thought I deserved to be alone. Or didn't want anyone too close. Well, when I was a child....you know the rest. Sure, it took me a long time, but here I am.
So Mielle was/is this friend. She would drop me a line once in a while, and sometimes I played nicely. But not usually. Well, it seems I found a rulebook along the way and a lot of things became clear. This year will be stupendous. I feel it. So for that and many other reasons, I wish to keep these friendships around. I like feeling wanted. I like wanting to talk. I like talking. I like feeling supported and making others feel that way, too. I just plain like some people. And no matter what I would have or could have or should have done (I should have dated Mielle a long time ago, or at least tried!), I will be doing a lot more of this friendly stuff. You see...I am done feeling sorry.
My life sucked. It really did. It was a trainwreck for many years. I screwed up a lot of relationships along the way. My double-ex (Beth) told me that it was a bullshit excuse to use my rough childhood as rationale for my current actions. That was one of the many reasons we stopped being friends at one point. Glad that is behind me. I don't even care why or how. It's nice to know that someone posted pictures of her online giving some guy pleasure, though. Not me. Not in a million years. Glad she thought I was such a tool. Well, I was. But loads of other people are, too. It all fits into my motivational mindset. There are a lot of folks out there with life as hard or worse as mine once was. Suck it up, Benson. So I am. Finally, and totally.
That's that for this evening's installment. Smile...I am.
-Rich
Lemme 'splain. I used to have a friend in college. We stayed friends for a little while afterwards, too. But I do like I always do and run away. Seems I thought I deserved to be alone. Or didn't want anyone too close. Well, when I was a child....you know the rest. Sure, it took me a long time, but here I am.
So Mielle was/is this friend. She would drop me a line once in a while, and sometimes I played nicely. But not usually. Well, it seems I found a rulebook along the way and a lot of things became clear. This year will be stupendous. I feel it. So for that and many other reasons, I wish to keep these friendships around. I like feeling wanted. I like wanting to talk. I like talking. I like feeling supported and making others feel that way, too. I just plain like some people. And no matter what I would have or could have or should have done (I should have dated Mielle a long time ago, or at least tried!), I will be doing a lot more of this friendly stuff. You see...I am done feeling sorry.
My life sucked. It really did. It was a trainwreck for many years. I screwed up a lot of relationships along the way. My double-ex (Beth) told me that it was a bullshit excuse to use my rough childhood as rationale for my current actions. That was one of the many reasons we stopped being friends at one point. Glad that is behind me. I don't even care why or how. It's nice to know that someone posted pictures of her online giving some guy pleasure, though. Not me. Not in a million years. Glad she thought I was such a tool. Well, I was. But loads of other people are, too. It all fits into my motivational mindset. There are a lot of folks out there with life as hard or worse as mine once was. Suck it up, Benson. So I am. Finally, and totally.
That's that for this evening's installment. Smile...I am.
-Rich
posted by Rich at 1/16/2006 08:13:00 PM
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