Oh, the pressure.

It's like having sex, after a long hiatus. This blogging. It's been a while, and now the pressure is on to somehow justify the lag in this activity. The only thing worse than a bad blog entry at this poing would be one that merely talked about the headspace involved in coming up with a blog. This sucks, doesn't it?

So I guess I will fill this entry with actual events.

First, the big company Christmas Party. First, thanks to the ownership for calling it that. It takes a certain amount of nuts. It's not a Holiday Party, or a Seasonal Party, or some other lame-ass shit. After all, we don't get off of work on Friday and Monday for any other damn Holiday. So thank you. Now, the real issue. So, we were all invited to bring someone...special. While I searched the local home for the mentally disabled, it struck me that maybe the boss meant something other than "special like the short bus". So I asked my girlfriend. She really didn't know what to say. Well, maybe she couldn't say anything at all. See, no vocal chords. No, she's not biologically deformed. She's inflatable. So, basically, she was out of the question. I mean, come on...I drop my fork just once, and the date might be over when it stabs her cute little polyethylene foot. So, I decided to go stag. What a great term. Like it's something majestic or powerful! I wish I was one of those guys that derived joy out of that certain special aloneness. Not I.

And I am not to the point of desperation that I would ask any old (or young) floozy in my life to go with me. Not the ex (shudder to think), not a "friend" from the bar (seriously now), and certainly not some stranger. My social life really does boil down to work, home or a bar. Sweeeeet. See how well it is working for me? Haven't been laid in how long? More importantly, haven't met someone even remotely special. Or have I?

Well, maybe I have. Looking back, there were a couple stumbles in my past. A couple legitimate maybes that I left behind. Jesse, to name one. I should have done something about it. I liked her. Maybe I still do. The few times we hung out, we had fun. She noticed me. Remembered me. Knew when I got my hair cut. Knew when I got new glasses. Huh. Looking back, WTF?

Maybe that is part of the problem. I have had such terrifible things in my life (not like all of you haven't), that I really do feel like I deserve to be down in the dumps. At least I am below the radar, and stay out of other people's pity-dome.

Like Thanksgiving...you know what I did for it? I sat at home, and ate a delicious Hungry Man turkey dinner. Funnier than that? A friend of mine did the same thing. While his wife was working and he was watching their daughter. At least he had his daughter. It's seriously the one ray of light in Tim's life. He hates his marriage. He does. But he loves his wife. It's such a bad spot to be in. I don't envy him.

My spot, at least I have a lot of room to go up from here. And that has helped me not be so damned sullen. Is it possible for a person to be sullen? I guess so. But, I feel like the time will come. It just needs to play out. I don't see myself dying all old and alone. I don't see myself dying. I see myself having too many other things going on between now and then, that I can't see past all the future memories I have yet to create. Wow, someone should make a movie about this.

So that's that. I am going to wallow in the misery that more of my crap-TV that I have gotten used to watching has been replaced with some seasonal schlock. It happens, right? SO there I go. Maybe I will drink some more water and get some exercise in tonight before I hit the hay. Sounds like a plan. Nite, kids.

-Rich