How to put this?

Well, I am not pissed. Not at all. Someone once asked me (earlier today) if I was pissed at them. No. Boy, if you have read my past, you know the things it takes to get me irked.

Have you ever been told, in all sobriety, that you are the best person someone has ever hung out with in a bar? Well, I have.

No, I have never laid this person. He is a big, fat guy. Totally loveable. But not my type. I like my women with vaginas.

So, Shawn (one of the tenders at the pub) told me tonight that he has an easy way for us to know if he really likes someone; He tells them he does. He makes no bones. What a guy. Figures, he's from Maine.

Well, I need to hit the hay. I will write more tomato.


Nite, kids.

-Rich

One last thing tonight...

Lyrics for all y'all. I bet there are probably 100 people on the planet that know this song.

"Drivin' my El Camino.
I got a full tank of gas.
The cops'll never pull me over,
'Cuz they know I'll fuckin' kick their ass."

That's the first verse. The 3 following verses are similar. That verse is sung by Rich Baldes. Enough hints?

-Rich

Black 47

How I miss some NYC things. They just came on the playlist, and I remember them clearly. They became friends of mine. They were friends of an employee of mine, Mike Reddan. He and Jon Merrigan and Matt Casterella were all tight buds. And I was the cool store manager, so naturally...their friends were mine. Good times. I like remembering the good times as good times, and not feeling all crappy because they are gone and in the past.

-Rich

One thing...

No, not the damn Finger Eleven song.

One thing I forgot to mention, which I swore I would mention. What song is filling my home right now: John Mayer Wonderland (unplugged). OK, OK, mock me. He has flappy horse lips and gums, like Liv Tyler. But the song is so incessantly catchy. And I can't be blamed for random playlists. But I guess I can be blamed for not skipping it. Great. Now I look like a pansy. Not like I'd ever be sweet on a boy, or anything. ;)

-Rich

Mielle

You out there, kiddo?

Lemme 'splain. I used to have a friend in college. We stayed friends for a little while afterwards, too. But I do like I always do and run away. Seems I thought I deserved to be alone. Or didn't want anyone too close. Well, when I was a child....you know the rest. Sure, it took me a long time, but here I am.

So Mielle was/is this friend. She would drop me a line once in a while, and sometimes I played nicely. But not usually. Well, it seems I found a rulebook along the way and a lot of things became clear. This year will be stupendous. I feel it. So for that and many other reasons, I wish to keep these friendships around. I like feeling wanted. I like wanting to talk. I like talking. I like feeling supported and making others feel that way, too. I just plain like some people. And no matter what I would have or could have or should have done (I should have dated Mielle a long time ago, or at least tried!), I will be doing a lot more of this friendly stuff. You see...I am done feeling sorry.

My life sucked. It really did. It was a trainwreck for many years. I screwed up a lot of relationships along the way. My double-ex (Beth) told me that it was a bullshit excuse to use my rough childhood as rationale for my current actions. That was one of the many reasons we stopped being friends at one point. Glad that is behind me. I don't even care why or how. It's nice to know that someone posted pictures of her online giving some guy pleasure, though. Not me. Not in a million years. Glad she thought I was such a tool. Well, I was. But loads of other people are, too. It all fits into my motivational mindset. There are a lot of folks out there with life as hard or worse as mine once was. Suck it up, Benson. So I am. Finally, and totally.

That's that for this evening's installment. Smile...I am.

-Rich

I've left...

I've left so many little pieces of my heart along the way, I wonder if I can really go on living and expect to find someone to love. Well, not that there wouldn't be someone to love...I just wonder if I will find that person and have enough left to give to her. I wonder if I have enough love left in what's left of my heart. I hope that makes sense.

There was a time, quite a while ago. I lived in a house on North Washington Avenue in Hartsdale, NY. I worked at a Starbucks in the Vernon Hills Shopping Center in Eastchester, NY. I loved my life. I really did. I had a reputation. People liked me. I had loads of friends. I truly did. Well, maybe not loads. Maybe one or two. But I had a lot of people that liked to be around me. People to go to clubs in the city with. People to do drugs with. People to lose sight of reality with.

But back to my story. I went to the city with a friend, Lew. We went to see our friends' band, The Lab. I can't remember where it was. But I remember I got a phone call while I was there. I went into the bathroom to talk to this person. I really don't remember who it was, either. Must've been the alcohol. When I came out, I found out that my ex (Maggie) was at the show. She traveled all the way into the city to see this band on a weeknight. A band that she knew I had friends in. In fact, all the people in the band were people I hung out with regularly. Very regularly. I was more than a litlle mad. So, Lew and I left. I found myself screaming out with a thunderous voice, questioning what kind of bitch would do that. Which was fine, since I was outside at that point and folks in NYC really think little of a screaming drunk. Well, Lew took me back to a friend's house in Weschester. I got in my Blazer and went to a bar. And drank a little more. I was pretty drunk. So I went home. I was driving Southbound on the Bronx River Parkway, just past the Tuckahoe exit. There was a little Mustang real close to my rear bumper. So I sped up. This 'Stang and I played cat and mouse for a few miles, well over the speed limit, when suddenly cops were behind me. I pulled over and had 3 cops with guns at the side windows.

Turns out, I matched the description of a burglary in the area. They asked all about where I was and where I was headed. I didn't lie. I figured I was busted. But, they had me step outside the vehicle and they proceeded to go through its contents. Some of the items ended up on the shoulder of the road. Some in the grass. Either way, it amounted to 5 Westchester PD cars and the one undercover 'Stang surrounding me and my poor little Blazer. They wouldn't even let me answer my cell phone. When all was said and done, they apologized and left me to collect my belongings. No field sobriety test. No ticket for speeding. I counted myself lucky. I still do.

So that's my story for the day. To those of you just joining this debacle (or spectacle), welcome home. To those who have been here for a spell...thanks. Well, thanks to all of you. I have that typical Rich smile on my face right now. I know that all is right with the world. Everything that happens, happens for a reason and could not have happened any other way.

-Rich

The date

Oh boy. Where to start. How about, at the beginning?

Thursday, a guy from work comes up into the office and asks me if I remember this girl, Jay, that he had talked about. Kinda. Well, she just got out of a rough marriage a while ago and finally feels ready to date. He asked if I wanted to meet her. Sure. Well, it's a good thing I said that, for she would be at work when he got off at 3:30 and wanted to meet me.

3:30 comes, at which point I still have an hour to work. But, Joe sautners up and tells me to come with him. So I meet this woman, and we talk for a minute. We all decide to go out for drinks tomorrow after work at a local bar. Cool.

So, Friday at 4:30, I get off work and head over there. 2 other guys from work are there, but no Joe or Jay. About an hour later, Jay shows up and we have a few drinks. The other fellas leave and she says she is hungry. So we go to this Italian food place upstairs and get some food. We talk a for a bit. She has 3 sons, and she is very open with them. Nice. We get to talking about our pasts. Well, she is currently working as a day laborer in construction. Whatever, at least she is working. Good for her. But, she is there because she had trouble finding a job, what with a recent felony conviction and all. Well, still OK. We all make mistakes. Anyway, we get up to leave and walk outside. I walk her to her Ford (I know, I know). I give her my number and she says she will call, but it will be from a strange number, and she can't give me hers. She has no phone. Can't afford it. OK, I am getting a little odd-feeling. Then she volunteers that she doesn't have cable. Her and the boys sit around the table and watch a little black and white TV that gets 4 channels. OK, officially a little weirded out.

So she puts out her hand and says have a good night. I shake her hand and tell her to drive safely. She says she will...she has to. She hasn't been able to get herr license back. Gulp.

So, it should be interesting when she calls me. If she calls me. What to do...

Otherwise, my life is great. Got hit on by a married woman last night. She told me that it wouldn't be considered cheating on her husband if "it was just in the butt". Umm, what? Thanks. Time for me to move on from that one!

So, that was my weekend. I can't wait for tomorrow. Work. Strangely enough, it's a return to normalcy. The weekend was surreal enough that work is a welcome retreat. OK, off to bed. Nite, kids.

-Rich