It's purely ponderous...
The stuff that we, as people, do to each other. I just don't get it.
Playing right now? Fugazi Reclamation
I guess I should explain the beginning of this entry. I don't know if I really want to. But I'll outline it in a vague way so that no one really knows what the heck I am trying to say.
People hurt everyone, including themselves. And the art of friendship is an exercise in balancing pain. Actually, to quote Sam Keith's work, "Life is pain management". Major bonus points if you can tell me where I got that. And sure, you can go look it up. Why change things now? So, there are some people in my life that are taking time out of their busy day to malign me. And, since I am such a follower, I am also expending time and energy in hurting me, too. I don't know if this would be considered sulking. Well, sulking means "to be moodily silent", according to Merriam Webster. Whatever the hell that means. I am here writing, so I guess not. Anyway, I have been wondering for a long time...exactly why I should be in a relationship. There are a couple ladies out there interested in me, which is infinitely cool. But I am not sure how interested I am in any one person right now. There is an ex that I can't get out of my mind, and she keeps bumping into my life somehow, every few months. That's not reason enough for me to try to rekindle anything. And I have no plans to, but it sticks in my head that maybe this is a sign. If it is, I am intentionally disregarding it. I think I needed to write (say) that in order to make it a reality. Now, there is also another available woman that I have been interested in for a while. But it's one of those things where I know nothing will happen. Mostly because I'm afraid. Well, that and the fact that I am in the position I am right now...happily alone. Well, not so much happy as not unhappy. Right. I am "not unhappily alone".
If I had a biological clock, I bet it would be ticking loudly. Especially since almost all of my friends are married. I know I'm not a total ass. I know I have heaps of flaws..but c'mon. Maybe this is all a self-esteem issue.
So there is a lot of pain going around lately. People breaking up or divorcing. People suffering through a relationship with the wrong person. People landing their asses in jail. People getting fired or not getting hired for jobs they should be getting. And here I am doing nothing but thinking about how miserable my life COULD be. Well, I should be grateful, and to some extent I am. But then there's the part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Every time I watch a West Wing episode, I get all unsettled watching Josh Lyman. A big part of me wishes I had something like his situation...he puts so much time and energy into being good at his job that there is legitimately no place for love. My excuse is that it really isn't that important to me. But I haven't figured out why.
So, if you can't tell, work absolutely sucked today. My job wears me down. I have a pretty important job in this company, and the people I "command" respect me, for sure. I do a good job. I don't get paid enough, but then again I doubt you'll find anyone that thinks they do. I have been struggling with staffing for a while. And the boss doesn't want to hire anyone. Well, we are steaming along nicely into a large workload and we are about to be fucked. Mike is our lead estimator...he's the one that makes and places the bids that get us our work. And then it's up to me to get the whole thing going, all the way down to brass tacks at the very end of the job. Well, we have a $900K job that we have started fabbing on already, and it is due to begin erection on June 5. It should take us 5-7 months to finish this one job with our crane/operator and 5 guys out there. We have 7. So there is one leftover, which we can definitely use for labor somewhere at the job. Then, we have a $770K job starting in 6 weeks. That will take exactly the same labor to erect. Well, the boss wants us to hire an outside erector which will doubtlessly KILL any profit on the job. So, that's part of my stress. I have been trying to get the boss to see the labor shortfall for 3 months now. And without definite start dates, he wouldn't hire anyone. Well, we now have them and it is gonna be too late. Which also ruins the progress on our Work Orders that the 3 sales guys in my office produce. We have no one available to complete these jobs. The boss is just now seeing this. So, today he gave the OK to hire 2 guys. Great. So the little jobs get help and the big ones get fucked. I know, I shouldn't concern my self with things I cannot change. But when the General Contractor needs to come down on someone because one of our jobs isn't going as planned, it's my ass every time. Regardless if we are erecting it or not...we assume the liability.
It's just tough and stressful. Like tonight...I had no time in my 6-4:30 day to finish drawing some railings for a job we have. So, it sitting here and I have to work on it tonight and get it fabbed and installed tomorrow. That's not a normal day, but it's not uncommon. And all the boss sees is that I am not getting my work done. Regardless if I tell him that I am overloaded. What do I do...let things slip? Right, and deal with the GC on my ass about it? I don't think so. And it gets compounded by the sales guys all sucking the boss' dick. They are so far in his pants that they could tell him anything and he would believe it. And I can't be there to defend myself, because I am out trying to get jobs done. Get it yet? Work sucks.
But enough about me. I have been neglecting emails for a week or so. So I need to go address them. I have some friends that have been contacting me and I have not been a good friend back. It's been hectic, but it's more about paralyzing stress than pure lack of time. So, I better go be a friend. I like how that feels. Nite, kids.
-Rich
Playing right now? Fugazi Reclamation
I guess I should explain the beginning of this entry. I don't know if I really want to. But I'll outline it in a vague way so that no one really knows what the heck I am trying to say.
People hurt everyone, including themselves. And the art of friendship is an exercise in balancing pain. Actually, to quote Sam Keith's work, "Life is pain management". Major bonus points if you can tell me where I got that. And sure, you can go look it up. Why change things now? So, there are some people in my life that are taking time out of their busy day to malign me. And, since I am such a follower, I am also expending time and energy in hurting me, too. I don't know if this would be considered sulking. Well, sulking means "to be moodily silent", according to Merriam Webster. Whatever the hell that means. I am here writing, so I guess not. Anyway, I have been wondering for a long time...exactly why I should be in a relationship. There are a couple ladies out there interested in me, which is infinitely cool. But I am not sure how interested I am in any one person right now. There is an ex that I can't get out of my mind, and she keeps bumping into my life somehow, every few months. That's not reason enough for me to try to rekindle anything. And I have no plans to, but it sticks in my head that maybe this is a sign. If it is, I am intentionally disregarding it. I think I needed to write (say) that in order to make it a reality. Now, there is also another available woman that I have been interested in for a while. But it's one of those things where I know nothing will happen. Mostly because I'm afraid. Well, that and the fact that I am in the position I am right now...happily alone. Well, not so much happy as not unhappy. Right. I am "not unhappily alone".
If I had a biological clock, I bet it would be ticking loudly. Especially since almost all of my friends are married. I know I'm not a total ass. I know I have heaps of flaws..but c'mon. Maybe this is all a self-esteem issue.
So there is a lot of pain going around lately. People breaking up or divorcing. People suffering through a relationship with the wrong person. People landing their asses in jail. People getting fired or not getting hired for jobs they should be getting. And here I am doing nothing but thinking about how miserable my life COULD be. Well, I should be grateful, and to some extent I am. But then there's the part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Every time I watch a West Wing episode, I get all unsettled watching Josh Lyman. A big part of me wishes I had something like his situation...he puts so much time and energy into being good at his job that there is legitimately no place for love. My excuse is that it really isn't that important to me. But I haven't figured out why.
So, if you can't tell, work absolutely sucked today. My job wears me down. I have a pretty important job in this company, and the people I "command" respect me, for sure. I do a good job. I don't get paid enough, but then again I doubt you'll find anyone that thinks they do. I have been struggling with staffing for a while. And the boss doesn't want to hire anyone. Well, we are steaming along nicely into a large workload and we are about to be fucked. Mike is our lead estimator...he's the one that makes and places the bids that get us our work. And then it's up to me to get the whole thing going, all the way down to brass tacks at the very end of the job. Well, we have a $900K job that we have started fabbing on already, and it is due to begin erection on June 5. It should take us 5-7 months to finish this one job with our crane/operator and 5 guys out there. We have 7. So there is one leftover, which we can definitely use for labor somewhere at the job. Then, we have a $770K job starting in 6 weeks. That will take exactly the same labor to erect. Well, the boss wants us to hire an outside erector which will doubtlessly KILL any profit on the job. So, that's part of my stress. I have been trying to get the boss to see the labor shortfall for 3 months now. And without definite start dates, he wouldn't hire anyone. Well, we now have them and it is gonna be too late. Which also ruins the progress on our Work Orders that the 3 sales guys in my office produce. We have no one available to complete these jobs. The boss is just now seeing this. So, today he gave the OK to hire 2 guys. Great. So the little jobs get help and the big ones get fucked. I know, I shouldn't concern my self with things I cannot change. But when the General Contractor needs to come down on someone because one of our jobs isn't going as planned, it's my ass every time. Regardless if we are erecting it or not...we assume the liability.
It's just tough and stressful. Like tonight...I had no time in my 6-4:30 day to finish drawing some railings for a job we have. So, it sitting here and I have to work on it tonight and get it fabbed and installed tomorrow. That's not a normal day, but it's not uncommon. And all the boss sees is that I am not getting my work done. Regardless if I tell him that I am overloaded. What do I do...let things slip? Right, and deal with the GC on my ass about it? I don't think so. And it gets compounded by the sales guys all sucking the boss' dick. They are so far in his pants that they could tell him anything and he would believe it. And I can't be there to defend myself, because I am out trying to get jobs done. Get it yet? Work sucks.
But enough about me. I have been neglecting emails for a week or so. So I need to go address them. I have some friends that have been contacting me and I have not been a good friend back. It's been hectic, but it's more about paralyzing stress than pure lack of time. So, I better go be a friend. I like how that feels. Nite, kids.
-Rich
posted by Rich at 5/09/2006 07:14:00 PM
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