I am the world's strongest man and yet I feel so helpless. What can I do when someone I love will not be honest? And I don't mean about trivial little things like the "lies" we all tell from time to time. I mean the big ones. When someone can look me in the eye for weeks and tell me how great something was that they did...then tell me that it sucked and they are sorry they did it...then tell me they didn't ever want to do it. That it was done to them after they said "No". I think we all have a pretty good idea about what I am talking about. The worst part? She won't even tell me that it really happened that way. It's in between the lines and it's killing her slowly. The conversational slips ("It's not like I wanted it to happen that night"), to the pamphlet lying in her room that catch my eye when we are chatting in there. No one has a Rape Crisis pamphlet who hasn't dealt with it personally, either to them or to a loved one. It just all makes sense and the more I look, the more I see the guilt and torment gushing out of every pore of her soul. And such a delicate flower she is, that if I told her that I thought such a thing happened, she would lash out and create SUCH a distance that I might lose her altogether. And she might lose me, and I feel that would be a travesty for both of us. I care deeply for her still. And I hope I always do. But I know she will lose those feelings for me someday. She creates so much drama and strife in her world, that there is no room for anyone other than her for too long. Maybe I should beat her to it and try to help one last time.

But I won't. At least not yet. I need to find a group for people like me. Somewhere that I can find a shoulder to lean on and get advice from. I want to help. My Mother was raped at a young age, and a former girlfriend was while in college. And those are just the ones I know about. There has to be support for the thousands like me. If anyone knows of any, drop me a line. I will be looking, but my life can get busy very rapidly. It might take a little while.

Thanks to all of you in bearing with me in such a sticky, painful situation. I wish you all well, as I do for all of us in this house. Night to you.