My poor little girl....

Ruby is dead. That's my beloved, trusty 1990 Jeep Cherokee (XJ). Bought from my Dad before I moved to this place. I've had it for about 4 years now. So many countless hours and dollars spent in upgrading it. Completely custom engine cooling system. Badass electrical and ignition upgrades. Differential cover armor on front and rear. Real armor-plating on the skidplate under the transfercase (being in the steel industry grants you access to all kinds of metallurgy). Countless interior mods...more lights, gauges, new front seats, on-board air compressor, 110 volt inverter. Massive front and rear bumpers, engineered and built by me. After a 40 and 60 MPH impact, the rear bumper is still fine. The front only has scratches from bashing on rocks. Both are airtight and served as air tanks. So many cool, once-in-a-lifetime stickers on the thing. So many memories. Acadia National Park in Maine with the best woman ever a part of my life (save for my Mom). Cross-country with an amazingly-overweight trailer. So many places out here that God only has seen before Ruby and I ventured out. I rememeber so many things like it was yesterday with her. My mother told me this morning, "Memories are what we all have and thankfully we have so many good ones to build from." Still doesnt' cut the pain. I guess it's good there is pain. It mean I was attached. Better that than the option.

You wanna see the poor little girl that got hammered in the rear by another drunk (her second one in 3 months)? Well, I tried. Blogger seems to be against me tonight as well. Seems everyone is against me lately. Well, not everyone. But so many people on so many fronts. And none of them are against me in the one way I wish someone was against me. That's my own self-pity destroying the validity of anything else that is happening in my life. So that's the end of that!

Must be the gay guy trapped inside of me...I'm sitting here, blogging while drinking what's left of a nice bottle of Penfold's Koonunga Hill Cab Shiraz while listening to Norah Jones. Oh yeah, with 3 cats wandering about the house. I must be gay. I defer to an old friend Nelson Frias : "Why are men gay when pussy is so good?"

You see, for a while I liked the notion of this book I bought. A Book of Answers. I thought...if there is a need for a book of answers, there MUST be a need for abook of questions. So I started asking. I wanted a question that the person wanted an answer to, but had none. I got many many replies. It's still going. So chime in.

Was there any good news today? Yes. It's Halloween. It is my favorite holiday. Back home, the folks do up the whole house like a cemetary. Fake iron fence, tombstones, sound effects, they dress up like zombies, a fog machine, the whole 9. They usually get 5-700 trick-r-treaters. But even that is sad. It's the last one for them. They are moving out here, into the mountains.

Any other news with some good-ness? Sure. I finally got my new boots in the mail. Nice, safety-toe Matterhorns. You GI folks know them well. I always liked Matterhorns. That sleek lace-to-toe design. So comfy and warm and durable. You see, life seemed to finally be treating me well. So in addition to saving for a fat down payment on a house, I began some much needed upgrades to my life. New boots. Some new clothes. Some new sneakers. A new TV (I still had the one I had in high school!). Making my life a lot less plain. Enjoying my money. Seems odd, but what's $600 in the grand scheme of things? An upgrade from a 19" TV from 1989 to a 32" from this year. Life is so much bigger and more important on TV now.

OK. I must go. I still haven't really eaten food yet. But I had to write. Glad I have this. Nite you fine folks. Talk to you soon.

-Rich

Something out of the ordinary.

Well, coming from my fingers, that's not really possible.

But I was enamoured by the words of some songwriters recently. And it got me thinking about an old page of mine. Scroll down to the 14th of January here:

http://dogstarman.blogspot.com/2004_01_01_dogstarman_archive.html

Lots of good things in there. Lots of pain. Lots of growth. Lots that I look back on and cannot believe I was stuck in. I have almost surrendered to the notion that I will indeed be alone for a long, long time. The past 2 years have seen some amazing leaps and bounds in my own self. Read some of the posts here if you don't believe. I still haven't talked to the evil that once called himself my brother. I have no reason. I adore his son, though. Andrew should be given the chances so many of us were not.

MY world is a wonderful place. It took me all of my years to find that out. But I love where I am. Should I include someone? Yes, most definitely. But the best people I have ever had in my life are the accidents. The classmates. The bar friends. The co-workers. The i-friends. Not the people I found when I was looking for someone.

So I was sitting at the bar, getting a little drunk on. With a very dear, very terrific friend, Biff. We usually dream up outlandish bets to lose to each other. So he wanted to find a bet that I could lose that would make me carve a bowling ball out of a pumpkin and bowl in the middle of the street with it. Heck, that sounded like a lot fun. So I volunteered anyway. You see, in addition to deciding to drink there tonight I was also invited to help decorate for Halloween. So there were various and sundry pumpkins to choose from. So I did. And Biff and I walked outside. Followed by some regulars and most of the staff. Biff and I do this a lot there. We make a scene. But a fun one, not a dangerous or scary one.

So there I am. Tipsy. Standing in front of my favorite Irsih pub at 9 PM with a carved bowling pumpkin in my right hand. I am sure it looked odd. This badass-looking guy essentially palming a 15 pound pumpkin in the middle of an almost-busy street. And as I was getting ready to saunter up to the imaginary line in the street, who drives up...sees me...laughs and parks? The ex from almost exactly a year ago. Laura. She looked so...content. I am really glad for her. It brings a little peace to my heart to see her. I really care about her. Mostly because I wish her so much good in life. She has been really screwed before. So that was truly a nice touch to the night.

We scored ourselves by what kind of cars the punkin rolled under, as well as how far the damn thing went. We played two rounds. And we all had fun. And all is good in the world. A little "holiday bacchanalia". Major bonus points go to those who can tell me what movie that quote is from. I pledge my eternal respect and devotion to you.

OK. I am off to bed. Time to get all...you know. And crawl under the covers with the only things in this world that choose to call me a bedtime companion. But all will work out in this world. It has no choice. My life is as good as it is because that is all that everyone else can spare for me right now. When things work out, someone will find their way into my life. I have that much faith. And until then, I wish you all peaceful dreams and restful slumber.

Goodnight all you patient souls.

-Rich

Still here.

Been doing some work on my new tattoo ideas. Something for each ankle, then something on my wrist that I have been doodling since 1991. Must mean something to me, huh? It would be my first very visible tattoo, location wise. What do I have to worry about? Nothing.

Oh, I did get to bed around 3 the other night (morning). Was a very prosperous evening. Woke up and functioned well all the next day. And didn't go to bed until regular time (11-12) that night. Speaking of which.....it's about that time. Time to brush up and floss up and mouthwash up. You all do the same, you hear? Them choppers are important. Hang onto them. Nite!


-Rich

Mark this date somewhere

It's important. "Sometimes, you need to take a bath." If you know where that quote is from, you have just earned my respect.

So there I was, in the tub. A nice little compilation of ambient music playing on iTunes through the stereo. Lights almost all off. And I felt...charged. There's a lot going on in my life that I have no idea what to do with. Or about. I wonder if it's a crisis. Or a blessing. I wonder how late I will have to stay up tonight to harness all the good that is kicking around my skull. My fingers cannot move quickly enough to get these words out. It's all so frustrating. But I know I am headed somewhere now. I was looking through an old sketchbook from college. Bryan Langdo and I started using them in High School in New Jersey. He drew, mostly. I wrote. And saved photos. Some I took. Well, I guess most of them were mine. But anyway, in college I knew a couple Tyler's. The one I am talking about was a tall, attractive brown-haired guy in the Art School with me. A couple years older, and a great friend of Bennet Scott McKnight. He wore a shirt one day (well, he wore it more than once, but it stuck out this day) during breakfast in the Brick Dining Hall. It said "Use what is dominant in culture and change it quickly." I founf this quote looking for a Celtic cross tattoo design I drew in the same book. It comes from Jenny Holzer.

A diary (of sorts) of her work: http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/5047/index.html

Anyway, I must go and find that drawing. And I am sure I Will write more. But today is a day that I will no longer be the old me. I've been hatching for a little over a year, I think. Shrugging off the old me, making stands where I used to not. Leaving those childish habits behind. I love it. Something clicked tonight. It is the piece of the puzzle I wish I found earlier. But I rejoice that it is finally in my hands.

-Rich

PS- sorry for the typos or bad grammar. I usually check it twice. But tonight, I have no time. There is too much to do.

Been busy...

At least that's my justification for my haphazard updates. No busier than normal, really. Been up to Denver a couple times running errands. Found my front axle, finally. Enough with the getting-burned on eBay thing. I just have to go get it now. Tomorrow is the day. That's a bit of relief. It had been such a hassle trying to find one, then getting screwed...it kinda erased all of my motivation. But it's back. Hooray for me and the crawler. Another bad habit.

This entry is going to be short. I am actually just here tonight in between bars. I wanted to drop off the Jeep and wait for my ride. So off I go. Been a little while since I had a good town-painting session. Well-deserved. I'll update more this weeekend, I promise. No, seriously, I mean it.

Maybe I will finally get the cojones to write some more actual "poetic" ramblings. Yeah, I will. Nite, kids. Play safe.

-Rich

Dammit...

I have the hiccups.

And I am still on my drugs from the wreck. With some helpful advice from another courageous soul, I anchored the front end to a building at my work and attached a 4-ton chain hoist to the rear. Well, suffice to say, the Jeep is all better. Better enough to pass inspection. Gottta get a new exhaust put on, but that's not a big deal. Friends in all the right places, for once.

The hiccups are still here. Where the hell did they get that name? Anyone? If you're local and can come up with a real etymology for the word, I'll buy you a drink or two. Things like that torment me.

So, in other news, the job is going well. Our giant, high-profile contract has started, and I am doing all I can do to make sure it goes off without a hitch. See, my job is to make sure the train never gets derailed. If it should? I need to single-handedly arrange for it to get back on track. Allthewhile dealing with the onslaught from the general contractor and any other trade that has been distressed due to my company's "oops". Kind of a stressful thing. Thank goodness for stres relievers. Like living near the mountains. Always a stone's throw from solace.

I need to update this thing more. Those few of you that have been with me for a while know this is a running theme. Well, something to be said for consistency.

The double ex (Beth) was over tonight. She stopped by "for a little bit" after taking the LSAT. Proud of her, I am. Yoda. But, the little bit turned into 7 hours. So I was sure to get all of my regular things done. Phone calls. Dishes. Emails. Exercise. She left feeling pissed. Probably because I didn't drop everything and tend to her. Well, that's a job for her flavor of the month. Whichever "man" happens to take advantage of her at the time. I am so tired of it. So I go on with my life and don't feel bad. Is that naught of me? Am I not a friend? Huh. Maybe I am not. That should, perhaps, bother me.

I got a nice gift from this girl last week. A book. See, her and I only see each other on random nights. She used to work at the bar I frequent, and we hit it off. Little bit goth. Little bit nerdy. Very sexy. I haven;t seen or heard from her since St Pat's. But, she was at the bar the other night and dropped off a Suicide Girls book. Kinda sexy. Really sexy actually. Hmm. What now?

OK. I am off to go get some red paint. There are a few bare spots on the town that need it. Nite to you fine feather folks. I'll contribute more, I promise.

-Rich