Some resolve...

I found some resolve today in the meeting with the vehicle estimator today. The Jeep is totalled. I will know in 2-4 days exactly how much they will give me for it, then 5-7 days after that I will have a check for it. Then I will be able to buy it back from them for 10% of the assigned value. So I will be able to fix her up cheaply and have a few dollars left over. Like $2000 of them or more. I already have most of the parts (thanks eBay) and will start installing them tomorrow. The only catch is that I will have to apply for a salvage title and get the state to inspect it and certify that it is roadworthy again. No biggy.

I was just flipping through all my "sketchbooks" from college. Wonder when exactly it is that I stopped writing so well. Or writing so much, more to the point. And the little drawings that filled either a corner or a series of pages. I love them. I miss them in my life. I miss that documentation. Like someone other than me will someday give an unholy crap about me. But I never wrote for them. I always wrote for me. Even when we had a poetry group during freshman year. It was only ever real for 2 of us. Julie and I. And we stopped going and just hung out and let each other read ours. Not that we were our only friends. But just that it only takes a few people to make us feel warm and welcome. I guess it makes sense. It only takes one to make us feel cold and lonely.

Playing? Peek-a-boo by Siouxsie. No wonder I am reminiscing.

Oh man. Big mistake. I opened up a book of mine and in the front cover was a letter from Maggie. I never wrote much about her, but I should. We spent almost 5 years dating through and after college. Some of the sweetest things I have ever let my eyes see, were her words. Not just the almost-expected ending ("I will always love you"), either.

Here:

"I truly think that there is lots of good stuff. Our ability and willingness to comfort each other & make each other smile when life throws shit in our face, our conversations about our ideas (artistic & otherwise), our ablity to spend wonderful "stupid time" together - just to name a few. I love being with you. I love making you things. I love giving you things. I love coming home to you, or you coming home to me. I love that you can appreciate me acting or talking all silly and stupid. I love that you are passionate. Very few people really are. I love the feeling of your back against my hip bones..... and your fuzzy head on my nose. And your odd little giggles. Holding the Oat with you. I've fucked up."

See what I mean? Now a side note to explain that end part. The Oat. That was our cat. Still is, I bet. I hope she is still alive. She was the most wonderful thing in the world. Maggie was a baker by day. Painter by night. We always had a lot of grains in the house. We got a kitten when we moved to Colorado after she graduated (I am a year older). Maggie went home for Christmas when the kitten was with us for 2-3 weeks. Her name from the owner was Misty. No way. I got to calling her all kinds of names. The Oat stuck. Iwas so perfect. She is one of a kind. Had to be "The" something. She used to scour the home for loose change and carry it in her mouth over to our shoes. So that in the morning, there was always a nickel or a dime in our shoes when we went to get dressed. Little things like that. I'll love her always. And Maggie, too. I hope she is doing very well. She is an amazing person with more than her share of talent, not just artistic.


OK. Off to the track. Must get in some exercise. And maybe some exorcise, too. We'll see what i need. Nite, kids.

-Rich

Oh, some photos.

Things have been moving slowly on the crawler (fitting, huh?) since the accident, but here's the latest:

Me near the ass end with the chosen color:


The newly-trussed rear axle. Should hold up to a lot more beating:


And some shots of the accident. Doesn' look so bad from here:


The seat frame bent and the front seat mount broke off the floor:


But the hatch is smashed all the way through to the inside. And all the panel-mounting screws ripped out of the fiberglass:


And a good close-up of the bottom part of the hatch. All mashed up. Used to smooth and shiny. At least the bumper is in relatively good shape!


And, here's the best part. The passenger-side frame rail is crumpled about 3/4". That shoved the whole rear passenger quearter panel about that far forward. The door almost hits it when it closes. Nice:


Overall, it doesn't look that bad. But the frame being bent, and 2 big ripples (not shown) in the quarter panel, the floor in the rear is rippled, the seat madness, a new rear hatch and lights....it all adds up for a 16 year old girl. Estimated speed of impact, regardless of the total lack of skidmarks (they never tried to slow down) is 35-40 MPH. I was stopped at a light. They then pulled away and left me, only to hit another car and a curb, then try to run away. Nice shit. OK. Nite again. I am really off to bed.

-Rich

Random thoughts on the way home...

Again, a bunch of stuff has played out in my life. But the task at hand is the header. I was thinking (no idea why this thought was there) about bums. I think there was a song on the radio. Yes, that's it. Everlast doing "What It's Like". Get a job, you fucking slob. That line. I get chided for my donations. At least when there were bums around me visibly. In NY, that is. Here, they are not panhandling. But I almost always gave, and felt a little like a sucker when the others I was with would make some lame-ass comment. Something along the lines of "What a sucker!" or "He probably makes more than you!". Maybe. But on the off chance he doesn't? Or on the off chance he was once better off and this is his true living? I'll give. I don't care if it takes a thousand losers to get money to one legit bum. If I make some positive change in someone's life, isn't all the other crap worth it? I think so.

Besides, if you believe in this sort of stuff, this is definitely a karma thing.

And an update on the accident, with the facts from the Po-Po report being included. Some of this is redundant, but it all flows better if I recap a little. So bear with me, pretty please. My Jeep was rear-ended on Tuesday the 16th of this month. Probably totalled, through the eyes of the insurance company. Downtown, at 5 PM almost on the button. By a drunk. Who didn't even own the vehicle he was driving. A new Ford Explorer. The owner was in the vehicle. Part of her was in the front passenger seat at the time. Part of her was hovering over the driver's seat. She wasn't a witness to the accident, because from her vantage point she couldn't see the road. You get it now? I got rear-ended because some drunk chic wanted to blow some drunk guy in the middle of the day while driving. Been to the doctor a couple times. I do indeed have some bad neck and upper back pains. I am currently on 3 medications. Up from 2 immediately after the accident. So you could say things are getting worse. Her insurance company is finally coming out to see the Jeep tomorrow between 8:15 and 8:45 AM. More time lost from work. At least things are progressing.

And my folks are coming to visit on the 11th. For about a week. I know they are seeing my brother. It baffles me. They swear they would do anything for their kids. As long as it's nothing that requires them to NOT deal with one of them. Sheesh. But, I will be with them Monday through Thursday. Should be a good time, regardless. No brother talk. Not one word. I hope.

OK, I am off to finish doing some cleaning. Nite, kids.

-Rich

So much for that.

I tried to begin a daily update. It didn't last. Maybe it was too ambitious.

Anyway, I got rear-ended on Tuesday night. Just after a rainstorm. Some druggy, from what I hear. I stopped at a red light and they hit me doing at least 30. Didn't even try to slow down. Then took off in their Explorer. And hit another car and broke their rear axle. But the cops got them. A woman owned the vehicle and some 45 year old guy was driving. Insurance through the Air Force. Never had whiplash before. I do not recommend it. Today is the first day I feel I can move my head with some ease. Still can't quite move it as far as I should be able to. It just won't go. Then there are the sudden hot flashes that speed up my back into my head. Not like I am pregnant, mind you. Well, I dunno. I have never been preggers either. So I guess I wouldn't know!

But all the involved parties believe my poor Jeep is totalled. And my lawyer is going to be pressing charges. I can't get into the mindframe of suing someone. It's amazing, all the things in my life that are being displaced because of this accident. And somehow I am supposed to assign a dollar amount to all these things that I can no longer do given the modified timetable? Weird. I need help with it. I have been tasked to figure out what all I will be missing or have to rearrange. Which is fine. And I am supposed to assign a scale to these events, in terms of importance and the strenght of my feelings about missing them. That is so weird.

Speaking of which, time for more oxycodone. Maybe that will help me out.

Off I go. Nite to all of you.