I think the thing that took me the longest to figure out in my life is that I am not a horrible person. Even after the horrendous childhood I survived, college was too little too late to boost that self-esteem of mine. I am too big of a sucker. I give and give and give. And if I get a little back, I surrender to it and accept that the other person can only give that much. Sad, really. I have been shortchanging myself for all of my conscious years. Time to bring that runaway train to a halt.

Today was more of the same in my life. Work. Mainly. At least so far. Running things at this steel shop of mine gets better and better with each passing day (I will NEVER lose my sarcastic streak). Keep increasing the workload and keep up with the tight deadlines, but also please keep taking my guys away from me one by one. So leave me with one laborer and one print-reader/welder. Sweet. And people wonder why I laugh a lot at work. Insanity. That's it.

Ginsberg: "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness". If you haven't read "Howl", read it. Or better yet, have someone who has read it recite it out loud to you. At night. In a dimly lit room drinking wine out of a box. Maybe with a few friends. That is one of my ideas of a fantastic night.

Lately I have been pondering religion. Raised Roman Catholic, I left it behind somewhere around 19, when I finally awoke. If you can call it that. More like stepped sideways into the practice (maybe?) of agnosticism. A friend of mine just got screwed by "a really nice guy" (see older posts) who is a Buddhist. Nice. Merriam-Webster tells me this of our Buddhist friend's religion that he has practiced since birth with his whole family:

"A religion of eastern and central Asia growing out of the teaching of Gautama Buddha that suffering is inherent in life and that one can be liberated from it by mental and moral self-purification."

Huh...really? Does that mean that possibly infecting and impregnating my friend is now her problem and she needs to liberate herself from the suffering? Might have been a lot easier for her to do that without all the alcohol he gave to her. People. I will drive myself crazy worrying about other people's problems! Regardless, I must do some research into Buddhism. He has piqued my interest.

Back to the point, I am wondering if I need to find a more legitimate religion for myself. Time for me to see who has the best thing going. Any suggestions? Let me try and figure out how to get your comments posted here and maybe you can help out. Or, if you know me, email me.